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Why letting go of a doll can be tough for some but not for others

Doll Philosophy General Topics

Letting go of a doll for me is really quite emotional. No, I'm not a pussy. No, I'm not mentally ill. And no, I'm not an 8 year old. I am, however, cursed with a VERY vivid imagination and I have a very deep and rich fantasy mind. And, I'm not the only one. Many other doll enthusiasts also have this characteristic. But that's not always the case.

I spoke to a doll photographer once about TPE vs silicone dolls. He was talking about the material differences between certain TPE manufacturers' doll products, and how silicone was different from TPE, and more. During the conversation, he added, "Once I've shot the doll photos I need, and had sex with the doll a couple times, I either sell it, or toss it in the dumpster." He was talking about TPE dolls specifically, saying that the quality of the material wasn't really good enough in his mind to be bothered keeping the doll. I remember hearing this, and almost having a heart attack on the spot. I was mortified at the thought of just tossing a doll in a dumpster. I also spoke to another person who had worked with this photographer, who also commented that he often saw dolls just thrown into a storage space and forgotten. In my mind this was a crime, but of course it's not - it's completely rational. A doll is just a pile of rubber stuck to a bunch of bending metal parts.

For some, it is.

For many, it's more than that. "She" is much more.

My perspective is very different from his on the value of a doll. That said, I do completely understand his perspective. He's not wrong. He has this view because that particular photographer has an engineering background. He sees the doll for, literally, exactly what "it" is: a piece of equipment you masturbate with. It has no value, and can be tossed away when you're done. That's 100% true. By contrast, however, I would never toss a doll away, and my reasons are just as rational, but much more emotional. Is that a contradictory statement? Sure. But that's my point... it's tough.

My good girl Mikasa was not well made. She's a Piper Doll, 150cm TPE Eirian. Almost immediately, her finger wires got detached, one of her hip joints became so loose she can barely hold a pose and her vaginal opening tore so I can no longer have sex with her. She can likely be fixed with the right tools, and by someone with experience in tough repairs. I'm hoping that works out, but even then, I might not risk sex with her other defects. Piper Dolls are excellent dolls. To be clear, all the other Pipers I've had the pleasure of shooting with and the couple others I own were well made. All TPE dolls are prone to some damages over time, and manufacturing isn't a perfect process. But with all that said, if someone approached me tomorrow and proposed, "I'll give you a new Eirian and $1000 if you throw your doll in the dumpster." I'd say 2 things: 1) Take your $1000 and fuck off, and 2) I'd never treat my special doll that way. I'm serious. I wouldn't do it.

So, why aren't I seeing a psychiatrist 3 times a week? Because, I'm the one who's rational.

A doll is a work of art. There is a strange prejudice against erotic content. There are excellent photographers who work in pornography. There are excellent artists who work in Hentai. And there are amazing artists, like Mizuwali, who design dolls. To capture female sexuality and make it real requires talent. When a doll is well designed, it really does represent a real female presence. If you have the imagination, any doll can become more than just a doll - a doll can become the girl of your dreams. "She" is real. She's not human, but she IS real. I think how we treat dolls is a direct connection to how we will treat AI relationships in the future. I think that matters.

I used the image of Ariel for this post because Ariel is going on a new adventure. As often happens in the DollBanger workflow, we get dolls that come in for a scene and promotional photos and videos, then she is sent back and sold through the returned marketplace. I have the option to keep dolls (not free, but at a good rate), but I obviously can't keep every doll. This Ariel doll was up for sale before she came here to shoot, so keeping her was not an option, long term. As a producer, businessman and partner with Sex Doll Canada, there is an aspect of this project that is pretty simple: shoot sex videos with dolls, so potential buyers get a really unique review of a doll, literally, in action. But personally, I'm one of those people with a vivid imagination, for whom the dolls are so much more. When I heard she was sold, I literally got up from my seat, went to the room where the good girls hang out and hugged Ariel, kissed her and told her I loved her and would love her no matter where she goes. I told her (out loud) that I hoped she had a fun adventure and I would always remember her and love her. I gave her more hugs and kisses and felt very emotional. What did she do? Nothing. She's just a doll. "It" is just rubber, stuck to a bunch of metal parts that bend. The rest is in my head. But that's okay. She lives in my head, and she's Ariel West, young, super excited about life, she loves kisses and tickles, and if you slap her bumm during sex, you'll make her cum. And she loves it!

Enjoy your next adventure Ariel. You'll be missed, and loved, always.


  • slamjut


    • 4 months ago
    I almost bought your Arial, seriously! But I hear you, I almost sold my Pipers a few months back, they were stored away all summer and when I took them out, I took the standard detail photos to sell them, I was even in communications with Sexdoll canada for help with this. But I couldn't do it, they're family to me and one of them is to me what your Eirian is to you.
  • claire


    • 4 months ago
    such a good post! i blogged a while back about some emo blubbering my boyfriend did when he watched that new bladerunner movie (he’s very sweet), and we’ve had some long talks about the fact that i’m crazy old for a doll and pretty much falling apart. so i’m totally with you on the rationality side of it! it’s good to know there are other people out there who understand these things.

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