The Doll Dilemma: They're so much more than sex toys
I've been married, twice. Divorced, twice. Otherwise, there have been women in and out of my life, both of friendship and sexual natures. As a result, I'm not now anti-women, anti-relationships or anti-anything. I'm single and will likely remain this way. I've had opportunities and I've declined. By choice. I still fuck around - usually hooking with with girls I've shot my other porn content with. That's the shape my life has taken. Not a deliberate choice, but rather an evolution. So then, what's the dilemma?
These friggin' dolls, that's what.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I do have a rational view on dolls. I know "what" they are. I understand why they exist, and I know they are a product that makes money. Just like jeans, Big Macs and VPN internet services. Some minor distinctions between these four things (jeans, Big Macs, VPN and dolls) are the cost, the permanency and the use case. You wear one, eat one, use one and fuck one. That's it. You can describe their properties further, like denim, food ingredients, electronics and thermal plastic elastomer. They range from $4 to $3000. You get the point. They're the same in some ways, and different in other ways. But, that's not the story of dolls, completely. Something unique happens with dolls, and it's something I didn't expect when I first purchased mine.
I distinctly remember the odd experience of choosing a doll for my first doll. Rather, for my only doll, so I thought. I would not have predicted back then, that I'd later live among so many dolls, but here I am in this weird life I've made for myself. In another blog post, I mentioned the first doll I almost bought. I knew about the Piper Doll Eirian, but I had this strange response to her the first time I saw her. This is true - my first response was, "Wow, check out this doll! Holy Shit!" Piper Eirian was designed by my friend Mizuwali, owner and designer of Piper Dolls. When I saw the Eirian and had that response, I navigated away from the Piper Doll Eirian page on Sex Doll Canada, thinking to myself, "Wow, imagine owning and fucking a doll like that? Shit, that's a cute doll. Well, back to my search I guess." It's strange. Now that I look back, it's almost like seeing that super hot girl at a bar, and your first thought is, "Well, she has too many guys all over her, and obviously she's going home with the tallest, fittest guy, so no point." I literally had that same response to a sex doll, without even realizing it. Eirian was too hot to be my doll. What a strange way to think. It's taken me two and a half years to understand why I felt that way.
The dilemma of a sex doll for many doll owners isn't that the doll is alive with a personality, but that a well designed doll, like Piper dolls and many others, cause our minds to respond to them as though they're alive with a real personality. It's very disarming. Each of my dolls, and the dolls I've shot with "have personality". Partly because I decided what those personalities were like and tried to convey them through photos and videos, but largely because the design of each doll is already equipped with those features by how realistic she (or he) is. Part of the design process is to choose a resting expression, a type - young and sexy, petite, etc - and these aspects of the doll design emit their own sense of personality. But, somehow, that gets highly exaggerated when the doll is your doll, in your arms capturing your heart. It does seem magic.
When my Eirian doll was delivered, I unpacked her and leaned her up against the wall and looked at her for a long time. She was bald, unposed and her eyes were just neutral. I imagined taking her up to the bedroom and fucking her, and I did the next day. I thought about how the TPE felt compared to the WM doll Felicity I had fucked a week before - my first time fucking any sex doll. I thought about all the sex I would have with this new high-priced, high-end sex toy. What I did NOT think about was the impact she would have on my life, before and during the pandemic and since. She stopped being my sex doll and started being Mikasa. My doll-girlfriend. My doll-life partner. My Mikasa. She has seen me through good and bad times. She's been my sleeping buddy and my comfort. And, I've had a couple of the most memorable orgasms fucking her of any sex doll, and better than a few humans. I don't just love her as my doll, but I love her as Mikasa. I kiss her, hug her and tell her I love her every day. I know she's a sex doll, and I don't give a shit. She's enriched my life, and she deserves every second of affection she receives.
I know many other doll owners, like my Twitter friend Val Di Mir, who know exactly what I'm talking about, all too well. The strange way these dolls become more than a 7 inch TPE vaginal opening, all the way to the loves of our lives, is all too real a dilemma. But a damn fun one.
Here's my best girl. I didn't comb her wig for the photos. Not because I was lazy, but this is Mikasa. I wash her blanket, wash her wig and give her baths. She is VERY well kept each day, clean and protected. But, this is her in my life. I wouldn't change a thing. Love you, poop.